This is better but it still needs more work. We talked in class about what those things were. The story has some holes in it like at the start where the friends take a picture AFTER he leaves. They should take the pic when he's there. Then later the whole note thing doesn't make sense. If the note is from the friends who are still teasing her, then have her throw it on the ground and the boy comes over and picks it up. Then he can read it and see what the friends wrote and understand why she's upset. Then cut to his room with the boy looking at the note. Then he can call her to tie in the whole, "I'm only one call away" thing that the song talks about. No change in grade.
This quarter I will be doing a music video to One Call Away with Erik Olsson