The 5 C’s and an F or the 1.7 GPA
a. Am I compelled to watch in the first 5 seconds?
i. Do not open story with reporter VO
b. Do I care?
c. Can I follow it? Can I comprehend the story?
d. Did I witness something change?
e. Does it make sense? What message is it trying to communicate?
f. Was it fair?
Do you remember this when I first talked about the Hiki No projects at the start of the quarter or end of the first quarter? I shared this with the class and I want you to go back to your script and go through these questions. Am I compelled to watch in the first 5 seconds? Notice we don't want you to open the story with a VO. Go and find a sound bite from someone that really grabs my attention and start your script with that sound bite. Then, based on what was said in that sound bite, you may need to adjust your VO that follows. I think you have a nice story here about a wonderful place where kids can be free to express themselves. Lila sounds like a really nice person but who is your main character here? Is it Lila? Is it your dad who has a couple of sound bites? Is it a student? Go back to your footage and see if you can find a character to follow. Good stories have good characters and I feel like your script doesn't really focus on any one character. You have some great sound bites from parents but are they your central character?
For point 2, is Kuga really spreading around the island? In what way? What do you mean by that?
One thing you also don't really explain is what Kuga really is. What is it? You say a company so what do they sell? Be sure to explain what Kuga is.
Point 5 is out of place. It doesn't belong at the end. That seems to be something you'd want to say earlier.
Go back and first of all, find a character to base your story around. Then see if you can find sound bites to match this character to tell the story about Kuga and what it means to the students who go there. 2.4 points = C
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.