My first reaction is that I like it. You have some nice b-roll shots and used sequences which help tell the story. Your shots are solid and your audio is terrific. I think your interviews are well done and technically, this is a very sound piece. Well done! There are some things however, that I feel don't work. First of all, you need more b-roll. I don't see any of Mark working or teaching. I know that he doesn't spend a whole lot of time at Mark's Place but I'm wondering if there was some way to get him teaching. At the very least, there are several online stories about his award that have many photos of him. Mark might have been able to give you a photo or two if you asked. It doesn't hurt to ask right? I also wanted to see his family and two daughters that he talked about so much. Maybe a family photo or two would have been good to match what was being said. In the beginning, I also don't think you need that second shot showing the names of this year's recipients which scrolls down to his name. The scrolling is too fast and you can't hardly even have time to read his name. I'd pull that shot out and just make the first one longer so we can read it better. In your VO that talks about how Mark's Place wasn't always this big, what do you mean by big? It's actually the same size as it was when he first opened. The size of the actual physical business has not changed. What has changed maybe is it has grown as a business where he now runs a very popular restaurant AND catering business. I think that's what you mean. How you said it though doesn't make that clear. I also don't like seeing the same KCC sign three times. The first two shots were fine because it was first a wide and then you did a cut-in to a closer shot. But using that same shot again, but this time going from blurry to in-focus is still the same shot. How about a wide shot of KCC instead? How about a shot of him in his class or at his desk? There are so many options that you could have used instead of using that same sign. I noticed also that you trimmed this down quite a bit compared to the script you have posted. I would have liked to hear more from the former student. He had a really nice quote and you trimmed most of it for time. Maybe it would be good to look more closely at all of your shots to see if something else could be trimmed instead. Make sure to take your best sound bites to tell the best story. A trick you can use is to assemble your clips without any VOs first in the order you think they belong in according to your 5 points. Then just listen to them all together and try to have just those shots tell the story. If the interviews are missing some important info that the story needs to move on, that's where you place your VOs and that added information. It's something to try next time.
Overall this is a well done piece and with a few tweaks here and there, it could be a great piece. Well done! This is a 3.6 out of 4 for an A-.
I loved quarter 2. Can't wait until quarter 3.